What Is a Transgender Child? An Empathetic Guide for Understanding Gender Identity

What Is a Transgender Child? An Empathetic Overview

Are you a man who feels comfortable calling himself a man? Are you a woman who feels comfortable calling herself a woman?

If you answered “yes” to either, imagine the following scenario: a world in which everyone around you just insists, relentlessly, that you’re not what you know yourself to be. A world that calls you the wrong name, refers to you by the wrong terms, despite your corrections. People who believe they know what’s best for you, who would rather impose their perspectives than listen to yours. Imagine all of this continuing for years on end.

Much of the teenage transgender population doesn’t need to imagine; this is their reality. Their needs are met with skepticism, disparagement, and even malice. Their very existence stokes the flames of fearmongers who don’t bother to understand them. In this article, let’s do our small part to diffuse the moral panic surrounding trans children.

What Is Gender Dysphoria in Children?

Let’s start with the following point: Gender is complicated. After all, there’s an entire field, called gender studies, devoted to understanding how we conceptualize and express “gender” throughout society. It offers a depth that helps us make sense of terms like “transgender,” “transsexual,” and “gender dysphoria.”

That last one may be unfamiliar, but it’s important. Gender dysphoria is the feeling of distress that some people feel when their biological sex, including outward appearances, conflicts with how they view themselves. For people with gender dysphoria, the mismatch may cause a desire to change external characteristics to align with their internal gender identity.

Sometimes these changes are social, like choosing a new name and set of pronouns. Sometimes they’re medical, like undergoing hormone replacement therapy to induce the kind of puberty that aligns with one’s gender identity. Either way, gender-affirming care leads to overwhelmingly positive outcomes for transgender people and dramatically improves their overall well-being.

How to Spot Gender Dysphoria in a Transgender Child

You may think you already know the signs that a child may be transgender: a boy who plays with dolls, or a girl who plays with trucks. Sure, kids who gravitate toward things associated with the opposite gender might end up being trans, but not necessarily. Sometimes, experimenting with different toys is just part of growing up.

However, it’s important to recognize the difference between temporary exploration and persistent discomfort. Children who experience depression, low self-esteem, loneliness, or social withdrawal may be suffering from gender dysphoria. As teenagers, they may show additional distress upon going through puberty, when primary and secondary sex characteristics mature, and when, as a result, their outward appearances progress further in the wrong direction from their gender identity. At this point, transgender children may feel the need to conceal their unwanted masculinity or femininity by shaving, wearing different clothes, or trying not to look at their genitalia.

Gender Dysphoria Vs Transgender

However, while all transgender people deserve respect and empathy, just like the rest of us, it’s important to know that their experiences are complex and should be treated as such. Some trans people experience the harms of gender dysphoria, while others may not experience dysphoria at all.

“Gender dysphoria” refers specifically to the significant distress of feeling a mismatch between biological sex and gender identity. It is not synonymous with “transgender,” which only describes the existence of a mismatch in the first place. When we speak to and about trans people, this distinction matters because it indicates the nuances of what they’ve experienced in the past and what they choose to do in the future. Like we’ve said, some trans people seek out surgery and hormone therapy to change their bodily characteristics, while some are content to pick out a new name and wear different clothes. Some may choose not to “transition” at all. Again, gender is complicated! The big takeaway, however, is that none of these choices reflects upon the validity of one’s transgender identity; it’s not hard for outsiders to try understanding, and even less so to show respect.

Finding Support for Transgender College Students

If you’re a transgender college student, or one who is questioning your gender identity, you’ve probably heard plenty of authority figures disparage transgender people’s perspectives:

Unfortunately, transgender people are often victims of harassment and violence from family members, not to mention unaccepting co-workers or passers-by in public. Misgendering is bad enough; imagine being fired from your job, kicked out of the house, and even physically hurt simply because of who you are.

The good news is that growing older means having more control over your life, and that includes surrounding yourself with resources and support systems that can meet your needs in the world of higher education.

Coming to Terms With Being Transgender

Some preteen trans children first express their gender identity in mild ways, like wearing different clothes or requesting different haircuts. Once they hit puberty, adolescent gender dysphoria may set in and cause significant detriment to their well-being. But these transgender children signs and symptoms still might not cause people to accept their “transness” until college, when they’re already “finding themselves” in many other ways.

It can take years of reflection for transgender people to realize who they are, and even longer for them to start “transitioning” if they so choose. But for all of its intimidating implications, accepting that they’re transgender is many people’s first step in pursuing a happier, more fulfilled life as their chosen identity. College is already an exciting opportunity for all students to navigate the trials of independence. For trans people, college may provide their first chance to affirm their gender and find support networks that can ensure they don’t “go it alone.”

College Support Systems for Transgender Students

The sad truth is that all queer communities – lesbian, gay, bisexual, intersex – face marginalization, discrimination, and downright fearmongering from those who prioritize conformity over empathy. Whether from disapproving teachers, abusive parents, or scornful religious leaders, many LGBTQ+ people carry forward significant emotional baggage, if not trauma, well into adulthood.

Fortunately, college campuses often have LGBTQ+ support groups in which queer students can share their experiences and receive whatever help they need. These groups can answer uncomfortable questions; connect students with various health services; provide students with gender-inclusive housing; and even help queer students, perhaps cut off by their families, access financial aid. Some of these services meet the specific needs of transgender individuals, including changing students’ names and gender on ID documents, informing students about options for gender-affirming care, and showing students where to find gender-inclusive restrooms on campus.

So while college is hard, it doesn’t have to be lonely. In many places, transgender college students have access to ample resources that can profoundly improve their academic experience.

Celebrating Transgender Identity in College

Mark these dates in your calendars: March 31st, May 17th, and July 14th. Respectively, they are International Transgender Day of Visibility; International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia; and Non-Binary People’s Day. (There are others, but that’s just a start.)

Coming out as transgender can inspire fear, uncertainty, anxiety. But how about joy? For transgender college students, fully exploring one’s gender identity – perhaps, for the first time, comfortable and safely – can feel immensely liberating. For non-binary people, who identify as neither male nor female (though some non-binary people do not consider themselves “transgender), college could be the first place in which they feel free to carve their own distinct forms of expression. While holidays, like those listed above, serve as formal reminders that trans pride is worth celebrating, we shouldn’t have to wait around for them to believe that transness is compatible with love and acceptance. Trans joy is for every day.

How Transgender College Students Can Serve as Role Models

Transgender students often have much self-reflection to do, even on top of their academic commitments. However, they can also use any spare time to support younger transgender individuals as both mentors and peers. Given that trans identity can impose so many obstacles, it’s important that transgender people don’t feel alone while learning how best to express themselves. In fact, even cisgender folks – people whose biological sex does match their gender identity – can protect transgender youth while enriching their own understanding and empathy in the process. Here’s why providing that helping hand allows students to give back to their communities.

Normalizing Transgender Identity for Everyone

Unfortunately, many people still have a distorted view of what it means to be transgender. When some children come out, their parents ask where something went wrong, Why is gender dysphoria encouraged in schools these days? Is my trans daughter meaning to change the name I gave her?

There’s nothing wrong, especially for older generations, with needing some pointers on how best to affirm transgender individuals. But for the well-being of transgender people, it’s also important to lend support in the face of so many questions, which can be tiring if not demoralizing, and especially when such questions are grounded in bigotry rather than curiosity. When trans people have others in their corner, it helps to normalize their experiences and show that they belong with the rest of society. Mentoring younger transgender folks, or just giving them someone to talk to, is a great way to empower them to become comfortable with themselves.

Normalizing Cisgender Allyship With Transgender People

Sometimes, having a transgender mentor can be extra impactful to young transgender students. When they have questions, trans mentors can answer them by referencing their own perspectives. When they’re struggling to navigate family dynamics, trans mentors can help them come up with informed solutions. When they’re not quite sure what to call themselves, trans mentors can perhaps think back to their own battle with labels and suggest some helpful terminology.

However, cisgender allies are also essential to ensure that transgender people don’t constitute some kind of insular community, incapable of being accessed or understood. Insularity only breeds ignorance, and ignorance begets prejudice. In reality, all of us are capable of helping transgender youth however we can, even if we’re not experts in gender identity. Empathy and understanding go a long way towards showing transgender people that they can still “be themselves” around others not like them. Providing personal support, whether as mentors or peers, is an easy way for cisgender allies to show fellow students that their voices matter.

Reinforcing Your Own Ability to Empathize

Mentoring other students is a selfless act, but it also benefits mentors! Have you ever seen a kindergarten teacher’s conflict resolution skills in action? What about a pep talk from a high school football coach? When you gain experience in giving life advice, you broaden your own capacity to understand, and thus have an even greater positive impact on, others.

The same principle applies to mentoring transgender youth. College students who mentor trans individuals don’t just provide one-and-done personal support; they build vital communication skills that can bring ease, comfort, and even security to others in their community. Many students are always seeking ways to “change the world” and “give back,” and helping such a vulnerable group get the resources they need is already a small but powerful act of humanity. In other words, serving as a mentor or peer is symbiotic; it extends empathy to those so often denied it, and it reinforces empathy among those who give it such emphasis.

FAQs Q: How do I know if my child is transgender? A: You may not know right away if you have a trans child; they might not yet realize it themselves. If your child starts to display signs of gender dysphoria, it’s important to meet them with love and understanding. If they’re comfortable with it, consider seeking professional help to review what their best options are. Q: How can transgender students find supporting communities on campus? A: Many college campuses these days have official LGBTQ+ support groups and resources, often available on their websites or via Student Support pages. Additionally, transgender students may benefit from joining clubs or attending events dedicated to strengthening queer communities. If nothing else, you can always follow a friend to a club meeting! Q: How can I learn all the terms surrounding transgender people? A: You don’t have to learn all of the terms, nor do you have to be an expert in gender studies. However, plenty of hospitals and medical associations have published online guidance on how to talk about transgender issues. Should all else fail, you can also ask a transgender person (politely) what they’d like to be called.